I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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