Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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