Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
