If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
