You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
