I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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