I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
