Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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