Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
