im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
