Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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