My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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