Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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