he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
