I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
