I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
