I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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