and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
