i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
