so let's talk penis.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
