Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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