She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
