Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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