He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
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Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
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What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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