i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
