you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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