Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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