She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
