That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
