Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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