After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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