Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
