he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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