I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
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He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
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Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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