i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
