dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
