Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
These tits shall not be calmed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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