I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
