Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
