My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
