do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
