just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
