i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize