the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
