I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
