The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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