sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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