her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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