Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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