Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
