benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
