So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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