I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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