shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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