Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
