That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
