omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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