FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
