im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
