We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
