i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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