I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
